Mojo (bobbylevi) wrote,
Mojo
bobbylevi

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I think I just realised what's bothering me.....well one thing anyway.

It is almost a year since my mother died, making me an orphan with no older generation to defer to, ask advice (heaven forbid as far as my mother's advice), lean on, blame, or even just be there (when it suited her)...or even to care about, worry about, wonder how long she would live, wish she was dead, ARGGGH!

...and now she is dead....I don't wish she wasn't ....but it's all new ....such a big change.....and money to deal with ....and no excuses not to fix my house ...and the money has given my children their own extra independence....they don't need me....and they are leaving soon, to go to opposite ends of the country...one to London....one to North Wales ....and I don't know how it will work ...and where I will fit in to their lives ...or they will fit into mine.

If this was being written on paper you would see the tears. Got to go and mop up, I think that's enough for now.
Tags: bereavement, family, feelings, mother
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