Mojo (bobbylevi) wrote,

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Internal battles (Part 2)

This issue of feeling obliged to eat all the food on my plate, is a carry over from my childhood and my mother's insistence that we cleared our plates. Now, no matter how much or how little I put on my plate, I find it very difficult to leave any. In fact if others leave some of their food, I feel like I want to clear their plates too.... I don't, but the feeling is there. Like I'm responsible for any, and all food waste.... Me alone.... surely not you may say, but that's the feeling. I can stop myself from acting on that feeling, but that's just another internal battle. Somehow I want to find a way to stop the battles, and get some inner peace.

But to get back to the issue at hand!! I always believed that any food left on a plate was wasted, and the only way to avoid that waste was for it to be eaten.... I know, echoes of childhood, and a mother who didn't demonstrate or teach a way of knowing when enough food had been eaten. She alone knew how much I needed, and in no way attempted to pass that information on, nor do I now believe that she did know. Taking responsibilty for working that out for myself has led to me believing that I am personally responsible for minimising food waste.

Now comes the cruncher..... why does me eating the food avoid waste.... It doesn't it just makes me the trash can.... and I've known this for years.... me eating excess foor is just as wasteful as throwing it in the bin.... and the bonus of throwing it in the bin is, I don't have to carry it around with me, or have it impact on my health. In fact if it's compostable there's a bonus for my garden too. I thought I had this issue under control, but I'm finding it creeping back..... maybe that's the clue, I had it under control.... another plate to keep spinning. I want to get rid of it.... I don't want to have to keep controlling these issues.

I've written enough now.... need to rest from the emotional and mental exertion.... and from the typing too.... I'm sure you're all tired of reading too.
Tags: food and drink, therapy, weight
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