Mojo (bobbylevi) wrote,

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Internal battles ( part 1)

There are some internal battles raging for me, and I'm finding it difficult to talk about them... but here goes. One of them concerns my relationship with food.... I know it's abig topic for everyone now.... it always is at this time of year, so it's hard to ignore when it's all around you... and I don't want to ignore it, I want to find the solution to my weight problem.... I'm tired of it controlling me... It's time I took control of myself and my body.... only this time I want it to do it in a caring nurturing way, not like the gestapo.... I've done that too many times before.

I know I use food as more than a nutrient, the other day I was eating to keep myself from having an afternoon nap. My dependence on food as a comfort is less than it used to be, but it's still there in the background, just that now I'm able to choose 'good' foods for comfort eating.

I've been on every diet you can imagine, except the ones that use meal replacement shakes. I used to think they were soooo bad and wrong, but recently I've had some insight into their use. I am addicted to food, and eating... FACT. I cannot give up eating food, as I would be able to with any other addictive substance.... but the meal replacements are a way of giving up the eating experience while still giving your body the nutrients it needs. They are more about changing the way you eat, than about what you eat.... and no I'm not suggesting that we all go out and buy them.... I'm not even considering doing that myself, because I think I have already started to get a handle on my eating patterns. It is however, interesting to understand that, and it shows me that I am starting to comprehend this realtionship with food issue.

One of my issues is if the food is on the plate then I am obliged to eat it, regardless of whether eating it causes me to overeat.... regardless of whether the food is palatable. This issue is proving hard to influence.... and will be continued in Part 2.
Tags: food and drink, therapy, weight
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